So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
