I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
