i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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