Where is the hickey?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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