My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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