Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize