Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
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You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
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WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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