and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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