Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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