PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
