I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
where are my eyebrows?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
