Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
