i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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