I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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