Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Princesses don't give blow jobs
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize
