That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
