At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm jealous of your bromance
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
