where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
