There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
