How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
