I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
