You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
