I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
