Everything about him screamed your future.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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