i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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