Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
