I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
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he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
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