he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
