HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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