Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
