If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
