and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
