I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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