ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
