I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
