I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
