Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
