we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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