You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
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the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
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She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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