Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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