just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
