I think scott just propositioned me for sex
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
