I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
