: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
