SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
