Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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