How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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