Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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