Only a mothe r could love this liver
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
