I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
