The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
