I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
