Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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