I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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