Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
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