My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Randomize
