The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
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