Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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