I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
