a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
