shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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