Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
