Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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