Screwed.edu
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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