im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
