No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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