Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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