Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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