every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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